Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
