remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
