do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
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