Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He has the fingertips of a God
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
