That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
