He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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