Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
