I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
wanna go halves on a baby?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
if only i could text you this smell
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
