Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
