dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
