Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
