Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
