2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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