we made out on top of his cat.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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