..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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