I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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