Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(224): View more from Illinois

Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.

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(214): View more from Texas

I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.

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(252): View more from North Carolina

there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone

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(616): View more from Michigan

All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.

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(850): View more from Florida

I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day

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(479): View more from Arkansas

I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!

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(817): View more from Texas

I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?

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(210): View more from Texas

last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

what are you up to?

(1-202): View more from Washington, DC

it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance

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