There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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