I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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