2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
