I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
smell my finger.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
