don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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