I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
