so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
