he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
40s are totally the cure
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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