You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
