now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
