I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
