I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
