you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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