Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
