I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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