Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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