i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
