Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
