everyone is single if you try hard enough
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
