I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize