Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize