If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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