The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He did a backflip because drugs
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
