Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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