Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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