You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize