he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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