Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
