pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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