True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
