He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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