so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
