"it" just moved
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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