Tell her she can't have a vagina
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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