He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
