I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
