Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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