just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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