I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
