not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I look better un-naked...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
