Say something about gay babies.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
