did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
