How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
