We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
