she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
