Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
