I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
