God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
