Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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