im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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