you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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