sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
