My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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