a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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