they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
