he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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