Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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