white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
