I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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